A Better Place

How’s your Friday? I have a bad cold, we are trying to close on a house and pack, snow and icy mix is starting to fall (which here in the south can cause complete havoc), and work is super busy. But I had to take a moment out to share two things with you:

Here is a speech written by Sadie, 11, in response to President Obama’s inauguration speech on Monday. Her mom said, “Sadie was so proud of President Obama for including the gay community in his inaugural address on Monday; however, she felt like the trans community wasn’t included.” So she wrote her own speech. (Click on it to go to the whole article.)

Sadieoriginal“The world would be a better place if everyone had the right to be themselves, including people who have a creative gender identity and expression.” Amen, Sadie!

Her mom says although Sadie has been hassled, she is never shy or ashamed about who she is. Which brings me to another story. Yesterday I spoke to a local mediation center to see if we could get some help talking to family members who are upset about our son’s gender expression. We thought perhaps a trained and neutral mediator might make it easier to work some things out so they feel heard and things don’t become volatile or veer into opinion or accusation. It is so hard to love someone, and to know that they love your kid, and to watch a family rift begin to tear right in front of you because you can’t talk together.

I’m not sure what I expected the mediator I spoke with to say . . . I guess I figured she would endeavor to be neutral and start from the position that all sides have some validity. But she asked me some questions about our son — does he seem well-adjusted? Is he happy with who he is? Is he comfortable with how he expresses himself? Etc. And then she said, “Whenever you are dealing with children, they must come first. His needs are paramount. And if he is happy with who he is, then the job of everyone else in the family is to get on board and support him, and to get out of the way of him having a happy future.”

Suddenly, a tangled knot became clear, unambiguous, and uncomplicated. My wish for us all is to be collaborators in creating that better place, to get on board and support all our children!

Selah, Amen, and Ashe.

This entry was posted in Musings on the News, Parenting, Personal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to A Better Place

  1. Patti says:

    I was amazed at how easily my very conservative Christian sister and parents accepted our son’s pink flowing capes, bejeweled sneakers, and rainbow tie dye tights. We (extended family) never discussed his sexual orientation when he was young, it was just me saying “he dresses himself and he can wear what he wants to wear.” My parents even bought him the much-coveted Barbie dream house one year for Christmas. On the other hand, he just recently (at age 28) came out to my sister (my parents died when he was a young teen, before he came out to anyone). They were very close when he was growing up and had what he described as their own “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. It was beautiful to see her response. “In God’s hands” was her comment. She’s since gone out of her way to stay connected with him, which warms my heart and his. she somehow has found the grace to love him for who he is – which for me aligns perfectly with her Christian beliefs, though not with the dogma she professes, which is that he’s fine being gay as long as he’s celibate.

  2. sirkeystone says:

    I have to say, this left me speechless. Sadie is so awesome. I wish I had the guts to have done that when I was her age.

    But, the video in the other article makes a valid point and for many of us with GID (I don’t want to call it that any more. It isn’t a disorder), it’s not a sexual thing. It wasn’t for me. I just wanted to be a girl. I’m afraid I’m too set in my ways now. Homosexuality to me is a fetish. People can live long and well with fetishes as a preference. I don’t see it as a problem. I have never had issues with people who had fetishes (even though I have no want for whips or leather…) Nor have I had any problem with homosexual choices.

    But I have always felt that we are missing the point of transgender. It isn’t a fetish. It’s not a choice we make. Sometimes we make choices because of it that sway other choices and push us to the fetish categories, but to call a boy a sissy because he likes to design clothes and brush his girlfriend’s hair, can’t stand to have short hair, etc… Is wrong in my opinion, and will often cause choices to be made that the individual really didn’t want to make.

    For an example, I would never had been gay. Just because I wanted to be a girl had nothing to do with a sexual preference, but it didn’t stop the accusations, even after I was married. My wife still doesn’t understand, and neither do my kids who are now married themselves.

    I feel like I’m rambling again, I just hope I got my point across (I’m sure you understand, but mostly to anyone else reading your blog) I feel that it’s important that we don’t categorize transgender as a “sexual choice” because so many, (like Sadie or your son) aren’t old enough to really understand what that even is right now. Let them be them.

    As always thanks for all you do!

  3. Pingback: How a Gay Student Goes to an LGBT Meeting and Ends Up Eating Crow | Tyler Lehmann

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